February 2009
59 posts
Me: So I'm trying to figure out if I should go home end of March or April.
Ben: OK.
Me: Would you want to go to LA for Easter? If not, I'm happy going home in March and spending Easter here in New York.
Ben: No that's silly go home for Easter. I'll stay here.
Me: I'm not leaving you alone in New York for Easter.
Ben: Easter isn't a big deal to me. That's like saying you don't want to leave me alone for Flag Day.
Motown Philly
Ben: Motown Philly Back Again...
Me: Why are you singing that?
Ben: It's Motown.
Me: You know Boys II Men isn't actually Motown--do you even know Motown? Name five Motown groups...
Ben: No problem. Lets see there's Boys II Men, The Eagles, Fleetwod Mac and um, oh! Carl Winslow!
Watchhrrrthrrr:
dear brian brown,
do you remember a weird phone call a while back? the one where you screamed into the phone? well, I never told you it was us. soooo…here you go.
xo Heather
(via Vimeo)
I don’t know what the context for this is but it’s hysterical. It reminds me of my pseudo-personality in college as Wizzy the Wizard. I used to call the other dorm rooms at UCSB...
Book Club For Writers Who Are Bad Readers
Six years ago I enjoyed a 10-day vacation in Hawaii with a portion of my family, and I spent a considerable amount of that time teasing my aunt for taking her book club on the road. From what I remember, fifty women gathered in their chaise lounges and tackled War and Peace…in hindsight, there were probably reading US Weekly’s and sipping on Coronas.
The point of this waltz down the...
[Ben opens up can of soda using his teeth]
Me: Uhhh--
Ben: What?
Me: Should I go ahead and pre-order a pair of veneers for you as a backup?
Ben: No that sounds expensive. Trying to cut costs.
Just call me Klutz McGee
I’m normally pretty coordinated. On the coordination spectrum I’d say I’m smack dab in the middle, between a Beyonce backup dancer and the girl whose friends always say, “Ohhh, careful for that bomb,” becuase she always trips on the cement (that’s the expression right?). And some things I’m just a bit better at than others. I’m fast and can change direction on a dime, but at the...
Where I've Been
Lately I’ve been thinking (and even doodling) about my next career steps, and how I should ostensibly plan on answering the question, “so now what?” I also took a quick glance through my blog log and realized that it’s been pretty unemployment-heavy—too heavy. So I started chatting a lot with both employed and unemployed editor friends/colleagues/mentors to find out their timelines. When to pick a...
The Bearded Man
Me: So when are you going to open that shaving cream and have a go at this bad boy (pointing at Ben's beard)?
Ben: What's wrong with it?
Me: Nothing, except that your beard strikes blood.
Ben: You know having facial hair means something. It's an honor and a sign of maturity.
Me: What about when you have a beard so long that food gets stuck in it?
Ben: That means you're a king.
Please Don't Ask Me
Dear Lost Citizens or Visitors of New York City,
Please don’t ask me where things are. I want to help you, and more often than not, I have no idea. Or I’m unsure of myself. It’s not fair when you ask me where things are because I don’t like saying, “I don’t know.” Because I feel like I should know—I live here! So today when the two of you approached...
Unexpected Things That Happen When You Enter...
The following is a list of ways in which my life has changed since being pink-slipped:
1. Prior to my previous belief, I found out that I actually do have a mailman.
2. I can tell you the backstory behind Ellen DeGeneres’ segment today, what happened yesterday, and how it all relates to George Clooney.
3. Rachel Ray has inspired me to cook, and in the same day Martha talked me into taking down...
Me: Why is air conditioner on?
Ben: Uh, whaaaat?
Me: The appliance. Designed for the summer. Why is it on?
Ben: Oh come on I'm so hot.
Me: You have it set at 60.
Ben: Yeah, and?
Me: It's barely 50 outside, so technically you're blasting the heat.
Ben: Nice try. That's not how it works.
For Those Just Tuning In
…and have no idea just how bad MY media world is:
“More than 525 US magazines ceased publication in 2008, and 40 have already folded in 2009 as the downturn in the economy continues to heavily impact most forms of print media, according to MediaFinder.com.”
Sigh.
Ben: Whose little man shoes are those by the door?
Me: What? Little man shoes?
Ben: Those weird shiny shoes.
Me: Those are mine. And they're vintage oxfords; they're really cool.
Ben: They make me think of Fiddler on the Roof.
Me: I like them. They look great with trousers.
Ben: Mmm...sexy.
Attention: Those With Jobs
Barneys still has tons of Loubs on sale…
Update: Attention: Those with jobs AND big feet…
“I will never forward you another thing….even if it is a Prada bag on sale...”
– mother’s harsh reaction.
Email Forwards
What’s the deal with family members and email forwards. I don’t have a single friend (correction, actually Linda you are guilty of this) that would ever dare forward me anything, but when it comes to moms, dads, aunts, great aunts it’s no holds barred. I’ve been sent all sorts:101 of the cutest pets, angels in heaven, and all the ways to identify being Italian, being...
WatchWARNING: EARMUFFS NEEDED
Normally I would never post anything with this many expletives, but I wanted to give a shot out to my dad. He’ll appreciate this.
(And I’ll never write shout out. )
From The Archives
Guy: Welcome to STAPLES, can I help you with anything?
Me: Umm, yeah. Do you carry those two-day DVDs?
Ben: He has no idea what you're talking about.
Guy: Two-day DVDs?
Me: Yeah, they stop working after two days. They, uh, explode after--
Ben: What are you saying--
Guy: Exploding DVDs?????
Me: Yeah.
Ben: [Walks the other way.}
Me: They stop working after two days. I don't know what happens if they break, explode or disintegrate. STAPLES carries them in Manhattan, do you have it here?
Guy: Uh no, we only have blank DVDs.
Me: Uhhh, I swear you carry them.
Ben: Can we please go now? They have no idea what you're talking about.
The Bane of Second Place
When I was 8-years-old 2nd Place meant meant a shiny blue ribbon (typically with a camp counselor’s signature on the back), a handful of Double Bubble gum, and an awards ceremony. It meant podiums, applause, and who-can-blow-the-biggest-bubble contests, which incidentally would end in another award ceremony of sorts.
At 14-years-old 2nd Place meant you didn’t try hard enough, the other team...
