July 2008
66 posts
How my dad and I differ
[Small talk...small talk]
Me: Did you hear what happened today?
Dad: Uhh...with-
Me: About this kid on the Greyhound bus in Canada....this crazy man [omitting lots and lots of gory details].
[Awkward pause]
Dad: I thought you were gonna tell me about the other big news.
Me: What?
Dad: The Dodgers got Manny Ramirez.
This is great. →
Someone take the power tools away from Ben.
Ben: Do you have a three-hole puncher?
Me: (Sarcastic) Oh yeah sure, it should be in my study.
Ben: So you don't have one?
Me: Uh, no.
[Five minute pass]
Me: What are you using the power drill for? What are you building now?
Ben: Nothing, I'm making three-hole punches.
“How dare you call my Traulsen double refrigerator and standing freezer...”
– my mom after reading my last blog entry.
Lets hope they figure out a way. →
iphone-foolery
Ben: Wanna go at 3 AM tonight with me?
Me: They shut down the lines nerd.
Ben: Even at the 24 hour store?
Me: I'm pretty sure. A lot of stores that are still open, shut down the iphone portion. I think. I could be wrong. I sometimes am wrong. Not often. But on occasion. It's unusual really.
I've had my fill of bum gropings
9:15 AM: I swipe my Metro Card, walk through the turnstyle, and head over to wait in line for the 6 train. There is a specific area I wait at, so that when I exit the train I’m right in front of the turnstyle gates. I’ve gotten it down to a science. A basic science, but still a science.
9:25 AM: Train comes. People are not happy. The train is beyond crowded. Half of the people are...
Did Matthew Broderick Cheat? →
Who cares. Of all the coverage this tale has received, as always, Radar does it best.
...but I need my walking shoes.
If you asked me a year ago what walking shoes were, I would have said they were something senior citizens with poor circulation wore.
I was wrong. Every day I step out of the house with a multitude of things in my hands, one of which is always a more presentable pair of shoes. My choice in sandal for the pre and post walk to work plays an integral part in the amount of ground I am able to cover....
Email from this Ben person
Dear Editor,
I am this Ben person you speak of. You might know me. I’m the one you yell at for getting pieces of sharp cheddar cheese stuck on the counter, and for making the apartment too cold.
I would just like to explain to your readers that there is a reason you found me flying around the apartment with a cape and mask on. The funny, charismatic, and entertaining guy I am, I rented...
WatchI saw Batman twice this weekend. I watched Dark Knight at IMAX, and then I came home and found this:
Ben and his affinity for black leather, it’s a first for me too.
Tonight I am going to<a href=”http://www.tortillaflatsnyc.com”>Tortilla Flats</a>
Ehhh I tried to be all code-y but I can’t even properly link in HTML.
“I do go to church! It’s just that my religion depends on which subway...”
– Defending my faith. I think weekly sermons while on the subway should count for something.
Attention Roman and Ben, Cease and Desist of all... →
Man finds serrated knife in his sandwich!
Indirectly fresh-ish
I’ve decided that Fresh Direct blows when it comes to their fruit. Now I have played it safe, only ordering the basics: bananas, apples and oranges (serial comma, no serial comma?). Earlier this week I took a gamble, since their boring fruit is so blase, and I purchased blueberries. They taste like dirt. Like sad mushy dirt berries. Fresh Direct may be a lot of great things, but their...
You're not that hot 3G →
Have sympathy towards those computer people →
“This week Starbucks is unveiling a new drink called a Vivanno. Apparently...”
– Conan O’Brien’s monologue last night.
(via 147xxxx)
Not Going To Write About Work
It’s maddening. My previous entries have all been based on don’t haves. I don’t have a job, I don’t have a reason to get out of my pajamas, I don’t have a bank account in Manhattan (seriously, I didn’t get one until two weeks ago).
Now that I am FT at a magazine (that shall remain nameless) I’m being muzzled when it comes to tumblr. An editor friend of...
Legless for Coffee?
Me: Ooooh Baskin Robins, lets go in.
Ben: You literally eat ice cream every day.
Me: Ummmm actually I eat frozen yogurt, and I stop at 150 calories. Max I'll go to is 170, trust...that ain't ice cream.
Ben: If you had to give up coffee or ice cream which would you choose?
Me: Can I eat coffee ice cream in various forms?
Ben: No.
Me: Hmmmm coffee or ice cream...
Ben: Here what about this: Coffee, ice cream, or your leg?
Me: Which leg?
10 People You Don't Want To Meet At A Bar →
I think that leave the busboy and the bouncer.
Quite the Jet Setter
Friday July 11
12:30 AM: Go to bed.
4:15 AM: Alarm goes off.
4:17 AM: Stop Whining.
4:25 AM: Brush teeth, throw clothes on and walk out the door.
4:26 AM: Get into Good Luck Car Service sedan.
4:55 AM: Arrive at JFK (oh yah, Ben’s riding along too).
9:00 AM: Land at LAX on at 9 on the dot. Ben and I are zombies. We somehow find the strength to lift our legs high enough to get into my...
Read before you speak.
So I just made a complete fool of myself. Since moving in last week Ben and I have had an overwhelming amount of be-home-for-the-creepy-delivery-person jobs. Today he got stuck with the couch (but Justin saved the day and released him at 1PM so he could return to work — thanks J!) and this evening I have Larry the Cable Guy to attend to. He will be here between 6PM and 9PM which is really...
“I tried to make you coffee but there were too many buttons.”
– Ben
Me: Hey sorry I was cooking.
Deena: Ohhh cooking? What are you making?
Me: Pattys -- I haven't changed one bit.
Deena: You are truly domestic now..lol
Deena: Oh wait I take that back.
My first experience in the new laundry room
Me: Hey are any of the washers open?
Fellow apartment neighbors: Just that one.
[I quickly throw dirty clothes in there to mark my territory. Another boy with a load full of stinky clothes comes traipsing in after -- too slow. I run to the laundry card machine to buy one. FAILED. It will not spit out a new card for me. It's also 100 degrees down there, holy crap. Beads of sweat begin to drip down my forehead].
Me: Do you know if this laundry machine is broken by any chance?
Guy with laundry in doorway: [Muffle muffle shrug] Duno.
Me: Have you bought a laundry card in here, do you know if I am doing this wrong?
Guy with laundry: Ehhhhuno.
Me: Great (sarcastically). Thanks.
Exiting the 6 at 23rd Street
There must have been 40 sweaty bodies in the way as I tried to exit the train today. Three feet from the doors my body flung backwards into the people behind me. A man’s backpack strap had somehow mangled itself around the keys of another passenger, creating a velvet rope effect, except there was no heavyweight man in a suit letting me through. Without missing a beat I un-strapped the...
$10.38
$10.38 can buy you half a lap dance. It can also get you half a bottle of insulin (depending on your insurance provider), five cups of coffee, or two footlong Subway sandwiches.
At the 24hr mini market across the street it got me Cool Whip and a bag of Chips Ahoy.
I won’t be shopping there any time soon.
WatchI ride the 6! Damnit I want to see these guys in action.
Cold Showers Are The Pits!
I screamed about four times. Once for each major extremity.
Me: Hey I'm headed to the store, what kind of sandwich do you want?
Ben: Just get sourdough, sharp cheddar cheese, lettuce and mayo.
Me: OK and what kind of meat?
Ben: I just told you -- sharp cheddar cheese, lettuce and mayo.
Me: Yes I got that, what meat do you want?
Ben: What?
Me: What meeeeat?
Ben: Sharp. Cheddar. Cheese.
Me: Jesus.
