December 2008
91 posts
Being Replaced
Dear My MacBook,
Now I know since this sleek and shiny MacBook showed up in our house you’ve been trying to hide your face, and I wanted to let you know that there is no need for that. There’s always going to be a prettier girl at the party, and in your case, you’re both stunning—there’s room for two. I’m not being all notebook chauvinistic, I’m just...
Bang Bang!
Dear Construction Properties to my Immediate East and West,
I’m not entirely sure I understand the hierarchy at your job site, but I have to imagine there is someone in charge: super, lead constructioneer, uh, Drill Sergeant? Someone for workers to check in with each morning. So what I don’t understand is that it’s 9AM and quiet outside, and it’s been this way for about 20...
Grand Torino!
So good. Sniffle.
I'm That Serious.
2:02:28 PM System Welcome…
2:03:11 PM System Thank you for visiting saks.com
2:03:11 PM System Connected with J. - Saks
2:03:11 PM System Your Session ID: 6255XX
2:03:13 PM J. - Saks Thank you for visiting Saks Fifth Avenue. My name is J. How may I assist you?
2:03:35 PM You Just wanted to know what time Saks in Beverly Hills opens on Friday. I can’t seem to get an...
Chrismas Complaint.
I cannot listen to my mother yell (in a Dickens British accent of course), “Bring down Master Scrooges box!” any more.
Someone please come steal A Christmas Carol from us. I promise I won’t tell.
Emma: Grrrr. Grrr. (Teeth exposed.) Grrrr.
Mom: I’m not scared of you. I lived next to Joey Polero.
Ben: Who’s Joey, uh, Poleri-o?
Me: Don’t ask. Some crazy Italian.
Malls. Bleh.
I’ve been dragging Ben to just about every mall in LA and I’m fed up with the hassle of parking, finding your car and the overwhelming smell of bad Chinese in the food (ish) court.
I can’t bear the thought of getting back into a car right now. Arrgh.
Emma Is In The Doghouse
I walked into my parents house last night, hovered down to douse Emma with all my love, and guess what she did? She smacked her head into my nose so hard that (I swear I’m not making this up) she gave me a bloody nose. Thanks Emma!
How Have You Never Been To Walmart?
Ben: Are you kidding me? How have you never been to Walmart?
Me: Well, lets see. I’ve, um, never been.
Ben: How’s that even possible?
Me: I’ve never lived anywhere where there was one.
Ben: I’ve never lived anywhere where there wasn’t one. So you’re telling me there are zero Walmarts in California.
Me: No there are tons, but really far. There’s a...
Serious Thrift Store Shopping, By Way Of Missouri
Growing up in California, vintage shopping meant a 10 minute drive to Venice Beach, and a 20 minute speed-shop inside Aardvarks, where $45 Levi’s from the ’80s were about as far back as time period clothing went. And the place always smelled. As vintage became more popular, boutiques like Decades and The Way We Wore popped up and made a killing, hawking Birkin (if you’re lucky)...
Kansas City Here I Come!!!!
Packing At The Last Minute
Me: [Planning outfits in my head] I think I’m pretty much done.
Ben: Don’t forget on Saturday there’s a big trip. Pack something comfortable, we’re going to see the world’s biggest ball of yarn.
Me: What? When someone says don’t forget, that implies that they’ve been told before. You never told me. Really? OK, well I need to make more room in my...
Nice And Warm.
Right Now for Kansas City, MO Save Location
[ English | Metric ]
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try{
var listenerObj = new Object();
listenerObj.ready = function(){
var flCheck = GetCookie("flCheck");
//synchronize the flookie when userprefs is updated by an action of weather for your life dropdown
if (flCheck.indexOf("true")!=-1){ //if the user had opted in to save info in...
Does She Love You?
If she hides your shoes when you’re late for work, and from a supine position on the couch plays “Hot/Cold,” and, finally, after 15 minutes of you ignoring her screaming, “Boiling! Burning up!” every time you stalk angrily by the dishwasher, gets up, flips it open to reveal the shoes, sitting there among the plates, and hands them over with a kiss and a giggle, and then laughs some more as you...
You Know Times Are Tough When...
You find a Ziplock filled with cards adressed To The Bride And Groom, and you assume they are from the previous tenant, you decide you have no way to get in contact with them to return their keepsakes, and you think, “would it be that bad if I opened them to see if there’s money inside?”
That would be bad, huh? Times would be tough if someone were to do such a thing.
EY BAY BAY
andreabell:
For the love of GOD don’t let my mother see this, unless of course, you want to see me give birth in Taiwan in 10 years.
A Hello Kitty-themed maternity and pediatric hospital has opened in Yuanlin, Taiwan. The small 30-bed facility is authorized by Sanrio. From Reuters (Christine Lu photo):
Director Tsai Tsung-chi said he hopes the white, mouthless cat that is one of the world’s...
WatchYou may have a bigger tree, but I bet you don’t have a caroling Snoopy underneath it, who simultaneously jingles ornaments.
Don't Tell A Man How To Dress
Me: No you need to wear your brown shoes with that.
Ben: These are fine.
Me: You can’t wear black shoes and a brown belt. Besides, your tie is purple. You have to wear brown shoes.
Ben: I’ve worn this a thousand times with black shoes. Nothing bad happened.